Perpetually Tentative

Tentative, this is exactly what our lives are.

Don’t get me wrong. We all love to plan, down the most granular level item. We plan. Although, our planning has also become tentative.

Being a programmer, I feel that my mind is also planning in a if-then-else, for-each, do-while manner. If this happens, then I will do A, B and C. If that happens, I will X, Y, and Z. I will do this for every item in my to do list. Maybe it is a reverse of artifical intelligence. So we used to write code to make program “learn” new things, and behave like human being. Then human being themselves started behaving like computers. Irony!

Look at our routine. Ok, maybe just talk about my routine. I have two alarms set for the morning.

Tentative Routine:

If I sleep before 2 am (I have delayed sleep syndrome), then

I wake up by first alarm, then

I board first pickup busto office, then

I finish most of work by lunch time, then

I have second half for doing meetings and R&D, then

I leave early, catch first drop back to home, then

I reach home, and cook, and crochet, and basically stay happy.

If anything is missed, the whole day is a mess.


Similarly, while at work, things are still tentative.

If my IDE is working fine, then …

If servers are all up, then …

If meetings do not eat up most of my time, then …

I guess there is no certainty in anything anymore. We still strive to bring in as much stability, positivity and certainty with our best efforts, against all odds. I think that is commendable.




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